Today is the 2nd round for Genuine Friday (the last week really just flew by) and I have another topic that comes up very regularly: Your partnership after having kids.

Between your job and being a mum, you are a woman too. And most likely a partner. So how do we keep our relationship alive? Interesting, romantic and fresh? I agree the crazy part is over. You decided to have kids and moved on to the next stage. The very serious stage. The one that changes you, your life and your future.

I know my husband (and even so I always call him my husband we are not even married. But after four kids together it does not sound right to call him a boyfriend either) for 20 years now. (we just had our anniversary this March) That is a very long time – I agree.

We know each other like nobody else. We share everything and yet we need to pay attention to not loose ourselves in our daily, busy, lives. It is easy. Getting up. Preparing the kids, breakfast, yourself. Out the door. Work. Collecting kids. Catching up about school, homework, friends, events. Making food. Eat, wash, bed. Done. Sounds familiar?

What we do? We are lucky. I am working from home and that means I am very flexible. And Eric manages to work one day a week from home as well. (or at least that is the plan and often it works out)

On that day we go out for lunch. Always. Only very special circumstances will make us change this ritual.

Other couples try to manage diners without kids, we do a nice lunch every week. When it is the school holidays and we cannot go, especially if it is more than once or twice, we really miss it.

And the days we are not both working from home we call each other at least once a day. Just to say hi and a little chat. Usually nothing fancy but definitely a ritual.

Is it something you could implement as well? If you both have office jobs – could you meet for lunch in the middle?

What else do we do? Once the kids (all of them) are in bed we will have a tea on the sofa. Every evening. And talk a little. And we enjoy the silence. I literally sit on the sofa every evening and appreciate the moment when they are all in bed. It feels so good, haha.

But not so long ago I added something else to our evenings. Twice a week – Monday and Thursday for us – we have a Talk Talk evening. No Netflix, but talking. You may say now, well… if you need to talk, you talk. Why having special days for that. True, these are not the only days we are actually talking to each other (no worries) but the days we actually discuss more heavy topics. And I felt it would be good to fix time for that. Because in that way we both know that we cannot plan to work that evening.

Like I said, we just started this recently but it is good. And, good old German list loving woman I am, actually make little lists of things I have in my mind and do not want to forget. Examples: Holiday planning 2019, childcare, home security, work schedules for the next 14 days (also to find lunch date days) and so on…

We hug. A lot. And whenever we need a hug we hug. Physical touching is important to both of us. Therefore we ask each other regularly how we feel. And if we cope or we feel like we are running a marathon that we can’t win. Because once somebody feels worn out it is too late. We try to be on top of it as good as we can and check in with each other. If necessary we make a plan on how to shift workloads to give a little more space to the person in need.

And yes, there are periods when things are a bit shaky. Re-connecting is not always easy but possible. And you can do it. And when you think about it – those crazy years with newborns, two year old’s testing you and kids approaching the tween years – they make you strong and a really good couple. There is so much JOY in parenthood.

And never forget: You are not alone. No couple is perfect. Do not ever think they are. Do not judge by perfect Instagram images. They all have ups and downs. This is life and normal. (which also means: do not compare!)

And one more tip from me – let it go. Sometimes all I can do is laugh (because the other option would be crying). And then I might throw a piece of cucumber at my husband and everyone has to laugh too. Or we decide to put the music on and dance after diner. It helps. It really does.

Go to playgrounds together. Just tell the kids that playground means PLAY if necessary and have your moment to talk to each other. We do this too.

Find your ways to be a couple and not just parents. See what fits for you, your life and surroundings. But do it!

Image: Thomas Leuthard

After Interior Tuesday I am introducing a new column: Genuine Friday!

Back when I decided to give the interiors a permanent spot it was mainly to push myself to show more of it than I used to. Because I love a good peek into a home and I know you do too. And it was one of the best decisions ever because these articles are very popular.

Another topic that I take very seriously but never enough time for is private stuff. When blogging was not as big it actually used to be a space where people shared their personal things (very much like Instagram when it started out). And I think that it is still important to share your voice and opinion. These articles usually take a lot of time to write, mostly because I need to find a good moment and start to get going. (but once that is done I am rolling… haha)
And I know that every time I ask what you would like to read more about, the answer is: About your family, your life and so on.
So you are pretty clear that you want these articles.

So, voila: Genuine Friday it is.
Starting today. And then we will see. Hopefully, I will have something for you for every Friday hereafter, except for the odd Friday List that I just love to do once a month…

Because now I have a spot for it.

Today’s topic is: Raising a big family. Because it is something I am asked about all the time. The reaction when people ask me how many children I have. Or when we are all running to catch the bus and you can see people counting in their head.

Yep, that is us. It is merry, sometimes crazy, never really quiet and always busy. But we knew that and there is one thing I can tell you: As much as my head is spinning sometimes, I love the life and chaos we have and could not imagine it any different.

We are a family of six (in case you are new here) and the children are 3, 6, 9 and nearly 12 at the moment. We never specifically set out to be raising a large family, and neither of us grew up in one.

People always ask how I do it. The truth is most of the time, I just do. There is no manual and there is no one rule to stick to. (which is the exact reason why I do not run a mum blog – every family, every child, every mum is different) My level of patience definitely grew with the kids and I am quite cool with many things, but we also have ‘army-like’ situations when necessary. Things just have to flow sometimes.

So yeah… there is no cheat sheet glued on my kitchen cabinet and trust me, some days, I also wonder what am I actually doing. Because – truth bomb – I am not perfect. Look at these last weeks/ months, for example, there were definitely days where I could not hold it together anymore. Shouting, very short attention span, snapping and unable to listen to at least one demand carefully. I am not proud of it, but I did the best I could and some days saw the short end of it. (and we all do the best we can, I know that and you know it too!)

Therefore, at some point, it all comes crashing down in one giant mess. You can organise, prepare or juggle the heck out of things, sometimes reality just hits you extra hard. Not you particularly, but with a big family, the chances are high. Especially during a high season like Christmas. The concert here, breakfast there, dentist appointment, lost library book, best friend’s birthday, gift shopping and the list goes on…
Now you need to pick up that giant mess and start juggling again.

Let me give you some tips (even so really do not like the term tips) ideas or experiences or learning curves that I can share after nearly 12 years of motherhood and 3 1/2 of them as a mum of four:

Organisation is key

Luckily I am a very organised person and I cannot deal with a messy house. I will mark parties, school events, clubs, appointments and everything else in my and our family agenda the moment I know about them. Work stuff I try to coordinate as early as possible as well. The earlier I know about things, the better. This also helps to plan busy days effectively.

We also organise a lot of things the night before school days. Clothing (now uniforms) is picked out, backpacks are put together by the kids, the lunchbox for the little one is in the fridge and when I try to fall asleep I am planning my own outfit in my head. If you can avoid a crazy morning madness, you want to do that!

Everyone needs to help

It is impossible that one person is responsible for the laundry, cleanliness and general household of six people. Logic math! We do not have a chore chart (we had attempted but they all failed) but everyone needs to pitch in around the house. And trust me, it is not always voluntary. My kids are no perfect kids who love to tidy, clear the table and empty bins. And they rarely offer help too. But, yes but, when asked… they do! (just make sure that did not disappear stealthily)

And trust me, if they ask for TV time I always have something in mind that needs attention before the TV can be switched on. Tidying the playroom for example or emptying the dishwasher.

Menu planning and weekly grocery shopping

I do not remember when exactly we started with meal plans and weekly shopping but I think it was when Antoine joined us and was still really small. So let’s say around 8 years ago. And it was such a game changer and time saver. First of all – no need to think about 5 pm: ‘What should I do for diner?’ and once, hopefully, figured out, check what you have in the fridge and what you need. By now I cannot even remember how we did it before.

Anyway, once a week we take two pieces of paper and start planning. Everyone can add one diner. And since we are six that makes for the week (Josephine usually gets told a few options and she chooses because coming up with an idea is a little too much for her age) because one day we always have a leftover day. (I am actually planning to write something about that too) Leftover day is usually the day before we get our groceries delivered so we eat up anything that is left. I think it is super practical and helps not to throw away food.

And yes, groceries are ordered online. We do not have a car and it is so convenient. And during our meal planning, on the 2nd piece of paper we also write down everything we need for the food we want to cook. Planning meals ahead of time allow for fewer trips to the grocery store and we have ours delivered once a week. (I remember doing weekly groceries at the supermarket when we had a car and people looking at me with my big trolley full to the brim, they probably thought I had to feed a football team!)

Being part of the membership program of your preferred supermarket is a good idea. Since a big family needs lots of groceries you will easily earn lots of points that you can use for something useful. Every little thing helps! Really!

All together, it is budget friendly, a time saver and also a much better idea than running through the supermarket with kids in tow.

Self-care

Never neglect yourself. Any time alone is your best reward. I am working from home and I know this is a luxury situation which allows me to get alone time here and there. (I do not mean working alone behind my desk) Sometimes I work like crazy for a few days and evenings so that I can meet up with a friend for lunch on a Friday and maybe do some window shopping afterward and before the kids need to be picked up. It is totally worth it!

Storage Solutions

I love a clutter-free environment and the idea that less is more really is true. And instant of trying to fight back the clutter, we try to not get the stuff into the house in the first place. And storage space is always on top of the list when looking for a place to live. With four kids and the passing down clothing model, I need somewhere to store all this. As well as space for shoes, winter jackets and, school uniforms. Bed linen, towels, and books. Well, you know. Stuff! So your home basically needs to have clever storage solutions in all possible corners. My home does because I cannot afford to live in a mansion. Ha.

Set ground rules

And stick to them. You probably have the basics down anyway. Stuff like: no food outside the kitchen, no jumping on the sofa or we only talk when the other person finished. We have those too and I know that sticking to them the more kids you have is your calling.

Let’s say Antoine sneaks out an apple and is eating whilst building some Lego. You can bet that his sisters will turn up in the kitchen by…1…2…3 to take ‘their’ apple. It is the law. Things like this never go unnoticed. So instead of one child or two jumping on that sofa or spilling water in your bed. That would make 4 and me going ‘cuckoo banana’ as Josephine calls it. It cannot happen! Stick to your rules. What I love most about those situations is, if I spot the girls coming to get an apple and out of the kitchen and call them out on it. Do you know what their reason is? You know right?! Because I allowed Antoine to have his apple at the desk. Ha…. (another one)

One by one time

That is a very tricky one, especially because I struggle with this a lot. How to find quality time with each child individually? Weekends are often more busy than other days of the week. Not long ago Romy had a parent/teacher meeting at her school and we managed to schedule it in for the morning. And I had it on my agenda and made sure that I had everything done for that in advance (go back to self-care to see how). So after the meeting, we had lunch together and went to a few shops Romy wanted to check out and so on. It was lovely.

The others are demanding ‘mummy time’ too and I then usually discuss options with the hubby. I often take one to do something I have on my list anyway and we add a little stop at the cafe or whatever they would like to do. And very often their wishes are very simple. Last time, Leonor asked me to spend time with her and all she wanted was getting a smoothie and going to the playground. (where the rest of the family joined us later)

I admit that my strength is not the holy evening ritual and story time and all. I can do it (of course) but there were times where I was reading the same book for many nights in a row and I truly thought I will go crazy. That task often falls into Eric’s hands and he really likes it.

However, Antoine asks sometimes to sit with him a little bit before he goes to sleep. In his room, just the two of us. He even gives up a bit if his precious evening time (the one before bedtime) for this. And then he says: ‘Can we sit and just talk a little?’ So cute. And in case you wonder, yes… I often feel guilty about this topic. Not being able to spend more time individually.

Get Help

Get a cleaner, a nanny, a babysitter… whatever you need, what you can afford.

Be cool

When you have a big family, the children have to learn to be independent. Because it is physically impossible to be everywhere. I need to prioritise often (even so I am good at planning) and decide where it is most important for me to be, at work and at home. For that day or moment. Otherwise, I am all over the place but with no value and no real attention. And it is ok to say no and to be cool with it. It is how it is and I am the one who decides and who knows what is more important. It is not a competition.

And I truly believe that when we openly discuss these things with our children they will understand. They may not be happy with everything but if you explain and have good arguments and maybe something that involves them coming up, they do understand.

PS: Why Genuine? Because I want this to be a frank and direct conversation. Normal, without a pink filter and honest. That is why!

All images: Paul & Paula

Hello Monday! New week, new month… and somehow a day where I feel that I am finally ready to share about the whole aftermath a move across countries entails. And why things are actually a bit very crazy over here.

We are no newbies when it comes to moving. Especially moving countries and we did it with and without kids. But for some reasons this really has been the toughest one to date.

And I am not going to sit and whine. Complaining and hear you saying: ‘but that is what you wanted, so deal with it’. No, this is more stating the fact that life is not always perfect, that we do have limits and that reality is something we should not hide.

So why today? Because today, one year ago, my mum passed. (you can read about some of that in this article) And last year was especially a difficult one because of that. Today is a good moment to go more personal.

And also because many people asked me after this post on Instagram (that was more or less vague) what is going on. Yes, that is the Social Media aftermath and since I was around quite a bit for trade shows and stuff it came up regularly. Thank you for caring!

But lets get right up to the End of October. Between the black on white, yes you move, at the very last day of August 2018, and the actual move we had roughly 2 months. Not even 2 months.

And this is nothing. It is shorter than short. Squeeze in a week of house hunting and stretch things – let it be 7 weeks. 6 people, from Sweden to the UK in 7 weeks. Boom! And it is not like one of us stopped working and could deal with the move 100%. No, no… evenings, week ends and any other spare minute was used for that.

And yes, we got help through relocation agencies but there still is a big load of stuff that falls on you and that should fall on you, like deciding where you want to live and which school feels right for your children.

So, we land in London at the end of October and stay in a temp apartment until our things arrive. We start to run around for bank accounts, mobile phone contracts, registering my business and other admin/ paperwork stuff. Fun!

We also learn that the children will not start school after the Autumn break because the agency did not give us the correct information and things will only get going AFTER that break. Bummer! Because things have been planned around that. We looked for a house that was available at a specific date so we could be down as tenants and get the school applications running. And we explained to the children that they would start their new schools after a school break.

Instead we had to wait.

And there are no free spots at the schools we put on Number 1 of the list. Ok, we knew this could happen. And who knows, maybe the 2nd choice turns out to be great and we just stay put.
Just that the schools turn out to be a logistical nightmare. Romy is in secondary and the school is a little far and she cannot go by herself. So somebody has to drop her off and pick her up. At the same time as the two other ones (Antoine & Leonor) start and finish school. Only possible if you either know a lot of people and can arrange/share things or you run and deal with it. Somehow. On some days only one of us could do the school run, and it was a literal run sprint. Dropping off the two monkeys at breakfast club, running for the bus and being juuuuuuust on time at the big girl school (she was actually late by two minutes one day and was so scared. We learned that a 2nd time in the same week would have led to detention). With the tiniest monkey always on tow of course. Because we were still looking for a nursery spot.
And then the afternoons. Same scenario. We could add some clubs, library excursions and such to help a bit but it was always a run. A run against the clock. So exhausting.

In between I was looking after Josephine, work, e mails, paperwork and uniform shopping. I made to do lists for every single day.

And there was Christmas coming up. Not an event you can just ignore or cancel, especially not with kids and somehow it really stressed me out. And I am not a stressed person in general. But the thought of not having the right gifts and the need to maybe go last minute shopping was somehow frightening. Another list was prepared and every time I was out buying uniforms, at the bank or other places I also had a quick look at some shops and started gift shopping. I managed to order their wish list priorities and the list started to look ok. Phew! I even ordered our Christmas tree online to save some time. And kept it a surprise until the delivery guy rang the bell. Oh their faces…. hahaha.

Hot tip: November is a terrible month to move. We did this once before and somehow forgot about a rule we made back then: Do not move in November. Because the weather is not helping to lift your mood! In the contrary.

Christmas time in London is amazing. And one of the reasons I missed about big city life was definitely the choices you have. Especially the cultural ones. And so we did squeeze in a few things like Kew Gardens or the Gingerbread expo at the V&A. And they were great and kept us going.

Work: Once the kids were sleeping I finally could ‘really’ work. At least it was quiet and I could concentrate. But I was tired as well and really had to motivate myself. Which led to very short nights and very unsettled nights. I could not really unwind and just relax. Sometimes I was up until 3 or something because I could not sleep. So there is a moment where you turn into functioning. Like a robot really.

Which meant: No partnership time. Or very little. And this is hard, not healthy and became an issue. All in all I really felt like I was running every day and that my head was always preoccupied. Tired and with no patience at all. Not a good thing when parenting! Weekends really just slipped away and were more busy than any other days.

By the way: I checked the health app on my phone and I walked/ ran approx. 10km every day, those days. With a toddler in a stroller in front of me. All the time. Who also needed attention, be fed and kept entertained. She did a great job really and was super to come along and be cool. She did not have a big choice but she could have gone on a strike. And who could have blamed her…

Another conclusion: Those weeks/ months definitely included too much TV, phones and computers. And now we still pay for it. Things are starting to slow down a little right now. And we need to reverse those screen time sessions into occasional moments again. Not easy!

Today: All four children changed schools. Which is a good thing BUT also meant that I was out uniform shopping A G A I N because, of course, they had all different colours and even needed different shoes. Oh the joy. Some more paperwork, visiting the new schools and so on… tick tock!

But:

Romy – likes her new, art specialised, school and made friends on her very first day there. YAY! One friend lives close to us and they go to school together every day. Double yay.

Antoine & Leonor – are in the school that is a 2min walk from our house. Oh the bliss. I never imagined that this would be possible. Especially not in London. 2 min!

Josephine – she started nursery in A’s & L’s old school and changed to the nursery in the new, close by school, after the winter break. So we have the 3 youngest in one spot. I still have to get used to the nurseries and their regulations here in the UK, a chapter on its own.

We are still dealing with HMRC and child care and it really is a very long and exhausting story that has cost me a lot of time, nerves and even money. In short: Because I am so new to the country I am not eligible to deal with them online. (hello 2019!) Therefore I have to call them for everything and had to send in two rounds of identity proof. Still waiting to hear back after the latest snail mail. Wow. Just wow!
I do miss Sweden and their efficiency. There was literally an app for everything and you just did ‘tap tap’ and finger print. And done! Boom!

Yesterday we spent a whole day outside. And that felt so good. We had a nice lunch in the pub and a big long walk in Hampstead Heath. It was cold but beautiful and really cleared our heads.

What else:

Our new place is smaller than the beautiful flat we had in Sweden. We knew that before but of course, one has to get used to it too. I am actually planning on writing an article about it because it shows and teaches you a few things as well. Interested? We like the house and chose it because we felt very ‘at home’ when we visited.

At the end of 2018 I realised that I was at my very limit. Actually over limit. And I did not want to keep up with the ‘pressure to be fine’ anymore. And I couldn’t. I am selecting very carefully now what I do and when. If it is possible and if it is good for me as well.
Since we are new here as well, there are no close friends around. Nobody to call by surprise and go for a coffee or lunch and rant. Or just change your mind and talk about something completely different. Something I am working on, slowly.

For the first time, I really feel like: No more moving!

Oh well, I hope that you could follow all that I write down. It is a bit of a wirr warr. But so is my head. Thank you for listening :)

My dear Leonor turned 6 at the end of September and we made sure to host a glorious party for her.

As per request, it was all about rainbows!
She says that she loves rainbows and that they make her happy. She thinks that they are pretty (I agree) and that there should be more rainbows in the world. So we brought a lot of them to our home for at least one day…

She was very specific about the cake situation as well: On her actual birthday, she wanted a rainbow cake. A beautiful layered cake that was baked and decorated with love by her big sister (who looooves baking).

And for the party, she asked for rainbow cupcakes. So the big sister was in the kitchen again and produced beautiful cupcakes in all the colours of the rainbow. (trust me, she wanted a break from baking after all of that!)

And because it is Monday and it is good to talk about parties and rainbows to start a new week, I am sharing a few pictures from her lovely party.

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Party Program:

We started with some playtime until all the invited children arrived.
Then we had lunch: Pasta! I made 3 different pasta shapes and 3 different sauces. Nothing super fancy and really just to make it more fun. We had butterfly pasta as well as fussili and penne. And then I had made a bolognese sauce, a tomato – no meat- sauce, and pesto. To top, we had Parmesan and normal cheese.
The kids really enjoyed choosing their personal dish and were happily munching around the table.

Then we served the cupcakes!

After the food:

First, we did a few rounds of dance-stop. We played a song, the kids danced and once you stop the music everyone has to stand still. Good thing after sitting down!

Then we pinned some clouds on the rainbow. We printed a rainbow and two clouds. We put the rainbow on a cupboard and put some glue tag on the clouds. Every child got their eyes blindfolded and had to try to put the clouds as good as possible on the end of the rainbow. The other children could help and give directions.

Next up was ‘spin the bottle’, for opening the birthday gifts!

Finale:

The pinata! No birthday in our house without a pinata :)

The filling is part of the goodie bags children receive when going home. I put some little pencils and tiny bottles filled with pearls and glitter in the bags beforehand too.

My girl had a lot of fun and so did her friends. Personally, I love this kind of easy and relaxed parties best. Because in the end, it is all about having your friends around you to celebrate your special day!

Rainbow Party Set: Meri Meri (gifted)

Beautiful corduroy dress: As we grow (gifted)

Adorable leather shoes: Yaya Lala

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